So, last night was rehearsal! Great band, ok singers that need a lot of work, totally different style of music than I'm used to...actually very gospely, soulful and Israel-like...hard stuff. I had to work a little bit to get it!! Need that I guess :)
Sunday I will be leading a couple of songs. Looking forward to it, at the same time as I am so sick of all this stuff...leading a band, making sure the singers are singing the right notes, working at making the music sound great for all the people that will come Sunday... there's gotta be more to life and ministry than that!! Admitting that I've been somewhat turned off to this whole deal by being at Celebration all those years. Sweden has certainly changed me, though I still appreciate good music on stage, don't get me wrong. Sometimes I just wonder what's the point of it all. Why do we spend hours and thousands of dollars making our churches look great and sound great, when all that time could be spent building relationships...well I guess that's one reason for having a church in a way, but you get my point? We practice hard, collect money for buildings, and could it be that maybe sometimes we miss it! Don't know...just a thought. Sure, I can see how I could help this worship team. I could take the singers and make them sound much better, but for what? Are more people gonna be saved because our worship team sounds better? Will Tom or Julie who came to church that Sunday just because they need a friend or someone to talk to about their life chaos care if we sing the right notes or not, or if the tenors are flat?
I truly think I needed to get away for a while, I'm starting to be able to think again and I'm excited to have a little time for me. Re-evaluate my own motives and catch God's vision again for my purpose here on earth. California is absolutely beautiful!! Clear blue skies every day, about 80 degrees and it never rains here. Maybe 3-4 days a year. There are no mosquitoes. Amazing!! Last night Nate and I sat in the court yard for hours, just talking, playing guitar and singing, making music and just enjoying the beauty. We were sitting on couches outside around a fire pit. There is a fountain in our court yard, so we could hear the water too. Fire, water and wind.... I felt the wind, but where does it come from? Where is it going? I was reminded once again that that's what it's like to be led by the Spirit! Where am I going? Well, I've realized I'm not a row boat, but a sail boat and I've put my sail up. The wind may take me wherever.
Then there's another thought I have... What is this about being afraid of making a decision?? I've reached the conclusion that I am petrified of making decisions, because I'm so afraid of making the wrong one. Afraid of how that might affect my life and my calling. Could it be this simple... just make a decision, using your common sense without compromising the Word of God and then trust that God will be with you in your decision. Are we missing out on now by avoiding making a decision...living in regret of what's been and in the belief that the future is always going to be better somehow than now. Now is all we have!
I will probably have some conversations this weekend about my future here. I had my interview with the business manager yesterday, and she loved me. Pastor Phil told me so himself. Didn't even realize it was an interview...I just chatted with her. A 60-year old black lady named Hodges. What I need to know now is how much I will be making, if it's full-time or part-time, and I will be able to have a comfortable life here with what I make for it to be worth it. They've already said they will help me get my stuff down here from MN. They know it's a temporary thing for me and they're ok with that. I just need to figure out if this is what I want right now and then just make the decision and stick with it. God is with me!
The culture is so different here. It's like I'm in a different country almost. Many Mexicans, Cubans, Colombians, etc. What I loved about the people last night was their attitude. Drummer and bass player were so tight, but they were super humble. Came up to me and thanked me, praised my voice, and said they wanted constructive criticism...that's not usually what you hear from a band member you just started working with. Loved that!
Well, there's lots to say...
I miss you all and appreciate your prayers. Really need them!
Love you!!
Kram,
Eran Nettan
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